offline diaries: what is a dopamine menu?
or what to do when you feel the urge to scroll on social media
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It's already been one month since I started my social media detox journey. Even if I am not 100% offline —I still have a smartphone, after all, and I still use WhatsApp, Pinterest, YouTube, and Substack—, I have learned a lot from it. If you want to read all the epiphanies I had during my third week, you can do it here.
Even if I am doing so much better and now I am capable of consuming long-form content and sitting still with my thoughts, sometimes I feel like my dopamine levels are at an all-time low.
It's not like this all the time, of course. Now, I can finally find joy in things that used to be meaningless and dull to me.
However, it’s much more complicated than that. Not everything is black and white, and sometimes I crave that quick fix that an algorithm gives me so badly that it feels like hunger, like I am starving for something I shouldn’t be eating. Like I am starving for poison.
Let’s face it: Substack is social media. So I go to notes to read strangers’ thoughts, or I binge-watch YouTube videos until I fall asleep. Even though I am glad I am fighting the short-form content demon, I still have this inexplicable hunger that always makes me crave more.
More videos. More information. More notifications. More things that will suck my attention, so I can avoid everything that hurts.
Brain-rotting is over, sure. But the addiction is still there. I am starting to realize that, to make a real digital detox, I should probably replace my smartphone with an internetless flip phone. And, even though I would love to try that in the future, I don’t feel like I am ready yet.
So I had to find a solution.
Not long ago, I read this piece by
about creating a dopamine menu. This post is heavily inspired by her work, so please go check her out after reading this.So, what is a dopamine menu? It can mean different things for different people. However, for me, a dopamine menu is a list of things you can do when you feel the urge to scroll on social media. It’s like an emergency list to pull yourself together and give yourself the healthy dopamine you deserve.
Do you have some free time and you are worried that your thumb will go directly to your screen? Don’t worry, I’ve got you. Check your dopamine menu and find your favorite thing on the list!
But, how does it work, exactly?
Appetisers
As Elma explains, appetisers are very routine-based. They can be very small things that will help you get through the day and feel more productive with little effort. They are an amazing way to get you in the right mindset and make you feel happier, since they are the quickest ones to accomplish on the list.
Neither of my appetisers requires more than ten minutes to be finished and, still, sometimes I struggle with starting these little activities. I have been trying to become a tea person instead of a coffee person —caffeine addiction, anyone?—, so I decided to add making tea here.
Main Course
These are bigger activities that might take more time to do, but that also means that they will make you feel even better! I have tried to minimize digital activities as much as possible, but, since I live abroad, my phone is the only way to communicate with my family and friends back home.
I also want to mention that I am includding self-indulgent activities, such as watching a movie or a TV show. I feel like self-indulgence can also be productive, and everyone needs rest! Watching long-form content will always be so much better than scrolling through social media or watching 30-second reels. Don’t forget that!
You could add different kinds of things here, but I would use this section as an excuse to spend more time on your hobbies and hanging out with the people you love. Exercising and journaling are also very important for your mental health, so these are musts for me.
Sides
As the name clarifies, these are things to do on the side when you are doing other things. Elma puts it perfectly, as she says she sees them as small actions that make her responsibilities easier to do.
Even though I am a big advocate for letting yourself be bored, or focusing on just one task at a time —I started cooking with no background sound for the first time (no YouTube, no music, no podcasts) and it’s equally as weird as eye-opening—, sometimes it’s fine to play something in the background for tasks that do not require your attention.
Desserts
These are little rewards that don’t require much effort. To me, going to a cafe and writing there, having my sweet little treat —I am literally obsessed with cinnamon rolls— or having a late morning during the weekend is enough to reset my mood and feel renewed.
Specials
Specials are special things that you can’t do every week, but they fill you with joy every time you do them. For me, these are things that I can’t always do because they exceed my budget, or because, sometimes, the timing isn’t right.
This is my favorite part of the list, of course. But it’s important to point out that most of these specials are special for a reason, and most of them require me to spend money. If I was buying clothes every day, for example, it wouldn’t be special anymore —it would be consumerism. It’s important to keep specials as they are to avoid falling into the over self-indulgence trap.
Allergens
It’s fine if you can’t keep up with your menu. We need to remember that this kind of things are just tools to try to make us feel better —not unbreakable rules that will send us to a void of self-hatred if we don’t follow them.
Sometimes, real life gets in the way and you just need a lazy day in. Sometimes, work or school were so tiring that all your mind is asking you to do is to scroll through TikTok —and that’s okay. Blaming yourself for falling for the short-form content demon will only make things worse. Remember this is a process, and you get a chance to start over tomorrow.
Take care, and I would love to hear about your own dopamine menus in the comments. Tell us about what makes you feel better and about all the internetless things that make you happy.
See you next week!
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[EXTRA] Things from my dopamine menu that I’ve been doing for the past week and that have helped me staying offline:
· Little everyday things from my appetisers, such as cleaning and replying to messages.
· Making tea. I have been making ginger tea every day, and I am obsessed with it.
· Going for walks. Even if it’s too cold sometimes, I love walking. Bonus points if I am not listening to music or a podcast while doing it —just observing the world around me.
· Going to the gym. I hadn’t been to the gym for a month —the Christmas excuse, I guess—, so this one was tough. But it felt good to be back.
· Going to a café. I went to a café here in Amsterdam with a friend a couple of days ago, and I loved it. The vibe was immaculate, we were just talking without the need to pull out our phones, and the owners had this very cute cat who cuddled up with us the entire time.
· (Lots of) socializing IRL. I am just back in Amsterdam, so it’s been incredibly nice to catch up with my friends who live in the Netherlands and whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. I also attended an event to meet new people, and it was very nice!
· Writing my novel. Not as much as I would like to, but I am writing, and that’s what matters.
· Writing this Substack piece.
· Reading. Right now, I am finishing Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare. I loved the Shadowhunters series as a teenager, so I decided to pick up her new books and it was an amazing decision!
· Listening to music. This week, it has been mostly Suki Waterhouse, Lana Del Rey and The Marías.
· Watching a TV show. I got way too invested in the talent reality show Pop Star Academy: KATSEYE on Netflix.
· Having a sweet little treat. Again, I love cinnamon rolls. And banana bread. And chocolate.
· Travelling to a new city. I visited Utrecht for the first time yesterday, and I fell in love with the city. We walked around, shopped, had lunch together, and, even if it was cold, the sun made the whole trip so much better (yes, sun! In the Netherlands!).
Ohhh how I loveeee this beautiful article ❤️🥰
I also started a one month social media detox and I must tell you that we have similar experiences. My aim was to fix my attention span because I realised that I couldn't even sit down to finish a book! Which was what I loved doing(reading)
It's hard tho but it's definitely worth it.
You've earned a new subscriber 👩❤️👩
This is such an inspiring article. I’ve never heard of a dopamine menu before, so thanks for exposing me to this idea!
Congrats on one month, by the way. That’s a big feat! I agree with you that it’s very tempting to switch over to a flip phone (I’ve been very un-seriously considering it for years now), but it just seems impossible. It would involve getting a bunch of analog things (such as a device to listen to music with on walks, a map, a wrist watch, etc etc). Smartphones are great tools. Our relationship with them, however, can be tricky. I feel like if there was a way to delete the App Store (and thus prevent myself from ever downloading social media or third party apps), it would be easier to maintain a healthy relationship with my phone. Or maybe I just need better self control lol.