substack made me lose my creativity
if substack is also social media, where should writers go?
I no longer know what to write.
Well, I am lying. I do know what to write. I have a list of over fifteen essay ideas in my Notes app.
And still, when I face the blank page, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach, a kind of discomfort that shouldn’t come with writing.
Lately, I only think about what will perform. Which titles will work best, which cover photos will catch people’s eyes.
Now that I am translating my posts for my blog in Spanish, I keep going back to my old work and feel nostalgic about when not many people were subscribed (as thankful as I am, please, don’t get me wrong) because everything was so raw. It was so real. It was so honest, and, therefore, so good.
But, now, I overthink everything I post because I want everything to have quality. I am aware of all the people that might be reading my work, and I worry that my paid subscribers might not be getting enough.
Every time I face the blank page for Substack, I freeze. I want to do it perfectly, even though I know perfection doesn’t exist.
I feel bad every time I share a long-form post and lose over thirty subscribers. Now that my Notes no longer go viral, it feels like the more I write, the more subscribers I lose.
And it shouldn’t be like this on a platform that is supposed to—well, supposed to be for writers.
It’s nothing new. I have already talked about it in the past, in posts like the tiktokification of substack. And, still, I can’t seem to shake off this discomfort.
The algorithm keeps draining me because I don’t understand how it works. Unconsciously, I still want one of my Notes to go viral because I want more subscribers, and I promise it’s not out of vanity.
It's just that I want to make a living out of writing. That’s my dream and, probably, my biggest goal in life. I know Substack can be a starting point for that, which is why I've been working so hard.
But I’m afraid that sometimes I write with other people’s opinions in mind instead of my own. Is a writer less of a writer when their ideas don’t come from inside? When the audience creeps into their subconscious even when they’re supposed to forget about the rest of the world?
I’ve found myself caring too much about likes and comment counts instead of what they actually hold. I’m losing sight of what matters, and that worries me.
I tried to force myself into a publishing calendar so I could post weekly, but it’s becoming harder and harder. And I can’t help but ask myself:
What matters more in the age of social media: quality or consistency? How do you keep both without losing yourself?
