the joy of missing out

my FOMO disappeared as soon as i logged off

This week, I logged in on Instagram after almost three months without using it.

It was just a quick check-up—I needed to follow some people I met at a work event. However, this quick log in made me realize all the things I have achieved since I decided to start my social media detox.

The good news is nothing had changed. Truly. All the fears I had about everyone forgetting about me, or being isolated from the rest of the world, didn’t happen. I even think that I am more connected and close to my friends than before, because our interactions are more purposeful now.

The funny thing is that people didn’t forget about me—but after logging in and watching some of the recommended stories, I realized that it was me who had completely forgotten about some people who were adding no value to my life.

People I had fallouts with. Exes. People who wished me ill. People who were constantly lurking on what I was posting just to gossip about it.

When I was on Instagram, I would see them everywhere—on my feed and on my story recommendations, or I would even go as far as checking their profiles weekly. I was over-aware of what everyone was doing. Which parties I was missing, which plans I was not invited to. The new people my exes were dating. Which ‘friends’ were choosing not to respond to my texts, but post on Instagram anyway.

Even after moving abroad, these people were on my head constantly—some of them I hadn’t seen in months. I was doing it to myself without even realizing. I was making some wounds bigger, adding salt by scrolling on my phone.

And, then, boom.

I deleted Instagram. At the beginning, the silence turned into fear. But, eventually, it became liberation.

My friends have been surprised lately: ‘You look happier,’ they say. ‘You are literally glowing.’

And I agree. There is a kind of freedom you can only get when you stop trying to fit yourself with people and places that are no longer good for you. When you let go of their energy, you can finally focus on just carrying yours.

How I’ve been feeling lately | Source: Pinterest

I am all about building community and rejecting the individualistic notion the self-care movement is trying to sell us on the Internet. However, I am also proof that, sometimes, it’s better to step back, go back into yourself and stop letting other people influence your emotions.

I used to be sickly plagued by FOMO—I wanted to be everywhere, with everyone. I used to feel sick to my stomach if I saw my friends hanging out without me. I couldn’t bear to miss out on plans—and I wouldn’t even ask myself if I wanted to be there. Or if I even liked those people, anyway. I would accept superficial connections just because I was terrified of being alone.

But, now, I finally understand what people mean when they talk about the Joy Of Missing Out—instead of anxiety, most of my days are now filled with contentment. Now I know that seeing other people having fun doesn’t mean I am missing out on my own version of fun.

Now, I don’t force myself into plans I don’t enjoy, and, after deleting Instagram, I don’t have to see other people enjoying them without me.

I feel less pressure and more presence: I can finally enjoy what’s happening right now, instead of worrying about what I could be doing.

It has been the perfect way to redefine what truly matters to me. Partying is fine, sure. And traveling around the world. And doing all these things we are told we should be doing during our twenties. But, sometimes, I just want to stay at home. Rest is just as important to me, just like going to a café with a book and feeling the sun on my face.

I used to be in a constant chase for dopamine, completely terrified of boredom. However, I feel like my system has finally slowed down lately—and I find just as much joy in simpler tasks, like going on a walk with a friend, watching a good TV show or listening to a good song while sitting on the tram.

In my normal girl era | Source: Pinterest

Life is worth living even when it’s not displayed on social media. And missing out isn’t really missing out—it’s choosing what aligns with you. It’s blocking off the noise for a bit, and making your own decisions about how you want to spend your own time.

At the end of the day, maybe the best moments aren’t the ones we are afraid of missing. Maybe, after all, the best moments are the ones we create for ourselves.

---

Thank you for reading!

As a writer on Substack, it takes a long time to create these pieces. If you’d like to support my work but you can’t become a paid subscriber right now, no worries!

You can always buy me a coffee ☕ and get 7 days of exclusive content.