10 things i learned from digital minimalism by cal newport
as someone who is trying to heal her social media addiction
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I read Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport in 2021, when I was going through my first-ever digital detox.
It was summer, and I was tired. The scary pandemic times were starting to dissipate slowly, but something had changed in my brain. Just a year before, I had downloaded the app everyone was talking about because my best friend promised me that ‘it was so much fun’ and ‘much more than the stupid dancing videos I kept seeing everywhere.’
If you haven’t guessed it yet…, well. That app was TikTok. And my best friend was right—it was fun, at least at the beginning. And, once the algorithm looked into my soul, it was also much more than the stupid dancing videos I kept seeing everywhere.
But it was also the reason I was not paying attention to my online university lessons. It was also the reason why my screen time was over eight hours—eight. fucking. hours!—during that time. It was the reason why I started doubting myself so much, why my mind was filled with so much garbage I couldn’t focus anymore.
It was the reason why I knew it had to stop.
I have great memories of that period. I deleted Instagram and TikTok for the entire summer, I was reading two books a week, and going to the beach and taking long walks with family and friends. I felt present and connected, and I even had time to write more than 200 pages of the book I was working on.
Life was good. You might think that, after that, I would never go back to social media, but addiction works in funny and unpredictable ways.
Digital minimalism helped me build the foundations of my digital detox back then, and that’s why I plan on reading it again at some point this year.
It impacted me so much that I highlighted pretty much all of it. This week, I have revisited the most important things I learned from it…, and I would like to share them with you.
Ten lessons I learned from Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
In one of the first chapters, Newport discusses the lack of autonomy and control our technology addictions make us feel.
He then shares an Andrew Sullivan quote that I haven’t been able to get out of my head ever since I read it, tangled up between my ribs as a reminder of everything we have lost:
‘I used to be a human being’.
LESSON #1: ‘Humans are not wired to be constantly wired’.
Our brains were never made for this. Sometimes, I feel so incredibly tired—both mentally and physically—and I don’t even know why.
Then, I get it—I have been reading other people’s thoughts all day, walking inside their brains as if they’re my own living room. Being constantly bombarded with information is exhausting.
Did you watch the Grammys? Who do you think was best dressed? Billie should have gotten album of the year. Oh, but wait, why is no one talking about the ongoing tragedies that are happening all over the world? Did you see your ex has a new partner? And what did Trump do this time? Does the movie Emilia Pérez deserve all the criticism it’s getting? Here are 10 reasons why you might have an avoidant attachment style.
It’s like looking through a window, and the outside world is on fire, and so many things are happening at once, and everyone is screaming to try to get your attention.
No wonder we are all burned out. No wonder our brains are not functioning like they used to. Being constantly wired is not only extremely tiring—it also kills critical thinking and creativity. As I said here a few days ago:
Cal Newport also has some thoughts about this. In his book, he says:
‘These teenagers have lost the ability to process and make sense of their emotions, or to reflect on who they are and what really matters, or even to just allow their brains to power down their critical social circuits, which are not meant to be used constantly, and to redirect that energy to other important housekeeping tasks. We shouldn’t be surprised that these absences lead to malfunctions.’
LESSON #2: It's not your fault.
Since I started talking about my digital detox journey on Substack, I have been getting messages from people who have opened up to me about the guilt they feel because they are unable to stay offline.
Truth is, I am going through the same thing. This is what I say about it in my last offline diaries post:
‘A digital detox’s purpose is to help us live fuller, more present lives. To be able to connect with others and the world around us. It’s not meant to make feelings of guilt arise or to lead us to over-control, overthink, and over-schedule everything.
If we do that, we take away the biggest goal of all—to be present.’
Of course, we have a degree in responsibility in all of this. However, we shouldn’t forget that some of the most brilliant people in the world are out there in Silicon Valley thinking about different ways to profit in the current attention economy.
They want us hooked. They need us addicted so they can keep their pockets full. Filter bubbles and algorithms, the infinite scroll tool, the slot machine kind of unpredictability that messes with our dopamine levels… It was all created so we never leave the game.
Newport sums it up pretty well:
‘People don’t succumb to screens because they’re lazy, but instead because billions of dollars have been invested to make this outcome inevitable.’
LESSON #3: ‘The more time you spend connecting on these services, the more isolated you're likely to become’.
This is something I talked about in my post where I announced I was deleting Instagram (again). Social media is a huge paradox full of contradictions.
If it’s meant to make us feel more connected to each other, why did I feel loneliness tearing my ribs apart every time I was swiping through Instagram stories?
I couldn’t find an answer to this question until I re-read what Newport had to say about it:
‘[…] online interactions all have an exhausting element of performance that have led her to the point where the line between real and performed is blurred’.
Yes. Watching someone’s stories is watching someone’s performance, someone’s curation of their own life, something that is neither real nor substantial, and something you will never be part of.
Ask your friends how they are doing. Send long audios talking about your day. Call each other, even. If we are going to use the online space to communicate, let’s do it with purpose.
Liking someone’s story will never be enough.
LESSON #4: ‘Face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do’.
‘Face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood’. —Reclaiming Conversation, by Sherry Turkle.
Have you ever been in the same building as someone and, instead of talking face-to-face, you sent them a text? Have you ever been in the same room as someone and sent them a TikTok so they can watch it on their own screen? Have you ever been talking to someone who was constantly looking at their phone and probably having conversations with other people there?
Well, I have. All of them. And I have also been on both sides of the spectrum. The rude friend who texts her situationship while you are telling her about your day, and the person who feels left behind because you can’t even look into her eyes while she’s talking.
As I discussed in this post, going offline can be an incredibly isolating experience. Especially when you are out in the real world, but the person you are talking to still has one foot stuch in the digital world, never truly present.
Please, let’s bring back real conversation. Let’s bring back looking into each other’s eyes, awkward silences, and trying to read the other person’s body language.
Let’s bring back full, undivided attention.
LESSON #5: ‘All of humanity’s problems stem from a man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone’.
Can you believe this—incredible—Blaise Pascal quote was written in the seventeenth century? It feels like everything has changed, except our escapist nature.
Listen, I am an ambivert who leans toward extroversion most of the time. And, on top of that, I have ADHD. So I know a thing or two about the inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
However, no matter how much I love being with other people, I still think that time in solitude is necessary. Not in an ‘Internet-bed-rotting’ kind of way, though. If your alone time consists of constantly consuming media or being on Instagram, it’s not real alone time.
We need to sit down with our own thoughts—with meditation or journaling, you name it—to identify patterns and get to know ourselves better. And it can be even easier than that—just try commuting without listening to music on your headphones, for example. Eat lunch alone without playing a TV show or a YouTube video. Wash the dishes without any other distractions.
Easier said than done, I know. I am still working on it, and it’s one of the things I struggle with the most. Being alone with your own thoughts can be terrifying…
But it’s necessary. As Newport says:
‘When you avoid solitude, you miss out on the positive things it brings you: the ability to clarify hard problems, to regulate your emotions, to build moral courage, and to strengthen relationships. If you suffer from chronic solitude deprivation, therefore, the quality of your life degrades’.
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