You described this all so well. Summer always evokes similar thoughts to me and as I grow older, I’ve been trying to challenge it in my own ways like finally wearing clothes that show my arms or my kp legs. Letting myself focus more on who I am as a person rather than how I look as a person has helped immensely, specifically the practice of body neutrality. I’ve been allowing myself the human experience of just feeling the warm sun on my skin, nothing less and nothing more. And god, has it been freeing.
i am truly glad you are getting there as you get older..., i think that, if we do things properly, the older we get, the more human we become, and the closer to childhood we allow ourselves to be<3.
i love the concept of body neutrality, but it's so hard to implement it in a world where everybody is part of the 'you need to love your body / romanticize your life' conversation. do you have any tips for this? i'd love to learn more about it
It is really hard in a society where looks are put on such a high pedestal but i feel like it can be gently integrated, even if its just in little ways. Maybe self love and body positivity mixed with some aspects of body neutrality works for you. I think for me, I still like to feel and look beautiful but I’ve been doing my best to shift away from just that. So i remind myself that my looks are the least interesting thing about, how regardless of how i think i look (like if i wake up feeling greasy, bloated and ugly) that doesnt make me any less human and any less deserving of respect. By envisioning myself more as a soul (sounds a lil kooky ik haha) and less as my shell/body, it helps me put into perspective how hard my body works to let my soul experience life. Affirmations have helped me too such as ‘my body/my looks are the least interesting thing about me’, ‘i am more than just my body’, ‘i’m grateful for how hard my body works to let me do things’ and ‘i don’t need to like my body today to let myself enjoy what life has to offer’ :) hope this helps!
This is such an important post. I too struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. I put myself through an entire bikini bodybuilding competition just so I could see the most leanest self that I could be and once that journey was over and I had to put on weight again it was an adjustment. I think the generation we grew up in was that being skinny was in and the low rise jeans and tooth pick figure was so popular and if you had an ounce of fat on you it wasn’t good. The promoting of diet sodas and starving yourself or a granola bar and an apple was supposed to be nutritious or if I eat a French fry it’s ok I’ll just get on the treadmill for a few hours and burn it off.
I started realizing that most people don’t care or even really notice. What they do notice is when you’re healthy. And so I’ve gained 20ish lbs back from my competition and probably back to the same size I was before but actually better since I’ve put on some healthy muscle so my body composition actually changed significantly for the better. I realized that the extra 5-10 pounds I have on me is memories of being able to be in the moment with others. It’s the vacations I’ve shared with my husband, the lattes I’ve drank with my mom, the holidays trying bites of everything. It has allowed me to be flexible in times when I didn’t used to be. This is always going to be a journey. In the end we spend so much of our time trying to fix something that was never broken.
Thank you for this post and sharing this, it’s so important especially for young girls and it always will be.
'I realized that the extra 5-10 pounds I have on me is memories of being able to be in the moment with others. It’s the vacations I’ve shared with my husband, the lattes I’ve drank with my mom, the holidays trying bites of everything. It has allowed me to be flexible in times when I didn’t used to be.' oh my god. this is so true, and i’m keeping these words close, i want to remember them when i need it. thank you for sharing this, and for reading. i’m really glad you’re healthier now, and that you get to keep making more beautiful memories with the people you love. 🤍
You’re welcome and I’m so glad 😌 I was thinking of sharing my experience on a Substack post just because I really think this entire subject needs more recognition than it’s given! It’s a journey but it’s worth it in the end 💖
This was very nostalgic in a way that I could relate to and just this year I started to question why we waste our lives like this, we stop living just because socially we have been made to believe that if we don't look a certain way we don't belong, which is very frustrating because we can't even enjoy life in the body we have been given, and that's already a gift. Plus how hard it is to work on it and deal with it so congratulations 🤍
exactly, when, in reality, we belong and we deserve to take up space just by existing, no matter how we look or who we are. thank you so much, and thank you for reading. it means a lot to me <3
"I let myself live it from the inside, instead of watching from the outside." This is the key. It really is. LIVING the experience, instead of thinking of what the experience looks like.
I loved this piece. Thank you for sharing. Feeling joyful in your skin is truly an act of bravery❤️
The things that make me feel good in my skin are really long walks or hikes that make my legs feel all wobbly and achey at the end of the day; laying back down on my bed after a shower wrapped in my towel, just because; and laying down in a sunny spot on our deck to get warm.
thank you for reading<33. long walks are the best, i also enjoy them a lot. i miss hiking though, there are basically no mountains here in the netherlands so it's a bit of a struggle haha. i loved all the moments you described and how personal and vivid they feel. i can just imagine how peaceful it must feel to lay down on your deck!
Thank you so much for sharing this JC. I too have been pulled out of beautiful moments and experiences bc of concerns about my body, and now all I can think is what a WASTE that was. Walks on the beach and dancing at weddings make me feel better in my body :)
thank you for reading caroline! and yes, it is such a waste - of youth, of time, of joy. walks on the beach are the best, and aaa dacing at weddings! can't wait to experience something like that someday <3
this post was so impactful in more ways than you know - i'm gonna try that exercise out, when i get the chance! your piece at the end when you list all the parts you love in your body, not about, was also really beautiful. remembering to process and remember even the smallest parts of moments or feelings can bring the most happiness to take you through the day. i have been a fan of your stuff for a few months, and look forward to reading each post :)
My thing that helps me stop fixating on the things I see as flaws is just thinking ‘my face is my face, my body is my body’ - like, I’m not a Kardashian who can build another one so I just have to accept it and move on!
thank you for this tip! i feel like i need to remember this more often. glo up culture has brainwashed us into thinking that we can always be 'better', or thinner, or constantly change our appearance in order to fit the standard. but this is such a great mantra to push back against all of that!
i love this. you brought up every emotion i have probably ever felt about my body, but for the first time i enjoyed be aware of it instead of fleeing from it <3
I love how you touched on ed recovery, people show it as eating whatever they want but never when they are weight restored. I remember my parents told me that my dietitian said i would be so happy a year after weight restoration and it couldnt be farther than the truth. I wish you well in your recovery and if you need help i get you.
You described this all so well. Summer always evokes similar thoughts to me and as I grow older, I’ve been trying to challenge it in my own ways like finally wearing clothes that show my arms or my kp legs. Letting myself focus more on who I am as a person rather than how I look as a person has helped immensely, specifically the practice of body neutrality. I’ve been allowing myself the human experience of just feeling the warm sun on my skin, nothing less and nothing more. And god, has it been freeing.
i am truly glad you are getting there as you get older..., i think that, if we do things properly, the older we get, the more human we become, and the closer to childhood we allow ourselves to be<3.
i love the concept of body neutrality, but it's so hard to implement it in a world where everybody is part of the 'you need to love your body / romanticize your life' conversation. do you have any tips for this? i'd love to learn more about it
It is really hard in a society where looks are put on such a high pedestal but i feel like it can be gently integrated, even if its just in little ways. Maybe self love and body positivity mixed with some aspects of body neutrality works for you. I think for me, I still like to feel and look beautiful but I’ve been doing my best to shift away from just that. So i remind myself that my looks are the least interesting thing about, how regardless of how i think i look (like if i wake up feeling greasy, bloated and ugly) that doesnt make me any less human and any less deserving of respect. By envisioning myself more as a soul (sounds a lil kooky ik haha) and less as my shell/body, it helps me put into perspective how hard my body works to let my soul experience life. Affirmations have helped me too such as ‘my body/my looks are the least interesting thing about me’, ‘i am more than just my body’, ‘i’m grateful for how hard my body works to let me do things’ and ‘i don’t need to like my body today to let myself enjoy what life has to offer’ :) hope this helps!
This is such an important post. I too struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. I put myself through an entire bikini bodybuilding competition just so I could see the most leanest self that I could be and once that journey was over and I had to put on weight again it was an adjustment. I think the generation we grew up in was that being skinny was in and the low rise jeans and tooth pick figure was so popular and if you had an ounce of fat on you it wasn’t good. The promoting of diet sodas and starving yourself or a granola bar and an apple was supposed to be nutritious or if I eat a French fry it’s ok I’ll just get on the treadmill for a few hours and burn it off.
I started realizing that most people don’t care or even really notice. What they do notice is when you’re healthy. And so I’ve gained 20ish lbs back from my competition and probably back to the same size I was before but actually better since I’ve put on some healthy muscle so my body composition actually changed significantly for the better. I realized that the extra 5-10 pounds I have on me is memories of being able to be in the moment with others. It’s the vacations I’ve shared with my husband, the lattes I’ve drank with my mom, the holidays trying bites of everything. It has allowed me to be flexible in times when I didn’t used to be. This is always going to be a journey. In the end we spend so much of our time trying to fix something that was never broken.
Thank you for this post and sharing this, it’s so important especially for young girls and it always will be.
'I realized that the extra 5-10 pounds I have on me is memories of being able to be in the moment with others. It’s the vacations I’ve shared with my husband, the lattes I’ve drank with my mom, the holidays trying bites of everything. It has allowed me to be flexible in times when I didn’t used to be.' oh my god. this is so true, and i’m keeping these words close, i want to remember them when i need it. thank you for sharing this, and for reading. i’m really glad you’re healthier now, and that you get to keep making more beautiful memories with the people you love. 🤍
You’re welcome and I’m so glad 😌 I was thinking of sharing my experience on a Substack post just because I really think this entire subject needs more recognition than it’s given! It’s a journey but it’s worth it in the end 💖
This was very nostalgic in a way that I could relate to and just this year I started to question why we waste our lives like this, we stop living just because socially we have been made to believe that if we don't look a certain way we don't belong, which is very frustrating because we can't even enjoy life in the body we have been given, and that's already a gift. Plus how hard it is to work on it and deal with it so congratulations 🤍
exactly, when, in reality, we belong and we deserve to take up space just by existing, no matter how we look or who we are. thank you so much, and thank you for reading. it means a lot to me <3
"I let myself live it from the inside, instead of watching from the outside." This is the key. It really is. LIVING the experience, instead of thinking of what the experience looks like.
exactly!! i try to remind myself of this every time, but it's difficult
I loved this piece. Thank you for sharing. Feeling joyful in your skin is truly an act of bravery❤️
The things that make me feel good in my skin are really long walks or hikes that make my legs feel all wobbly and achey at the end of the day; laying back down on my bed after a shower wrapped in my towel, just because; and laying down in a sunny spot on our deck to get warm.
thank you for reading<33. long walks are the best, i also enjoy them a lot. i miss hiking though, there are basically no mountains here in the netherlands so it's a bit of a struggle haha. i loved all the moments you described and how personal and vivid they feel. i can just imagine how peaceful it must feel to lay down on your deck!
Wowww this was really beautiful and personal, and I’m really proud if you!!
thank you so much! this means the world, really :)
Thank you so much for sharing this JC. I too have been pulled out of beautiful moments and experiences bc of concerns about my body, and now all I can think is what a WASTE that was. Walks on the beach and dancing at weddings make me feel better in my body :)
thank you for reading caroline! and yes, it is such a waste - of youth, of time, of joy. walks on the beach are the best, and aaa dacing at weddings! can't wait to experience something like that someday <3
Thank you for sharing this, I really enjoyed reading it and it impacted me in a few ways. Always reading your posts when they come into my email!
this post was so impactful in more ways than you know - i'm gonna try that exercise out, when i get the chance! your piece at the end when you list all the parts you love in your body, not about, was also really beautiful. remembering to process and remember even the smallest parts of moments or feelings can bring the most happiness to take you through the day. i have been a fan of your stuff for a few months, and look forward to reading each post :)
i am glad you found it helpful, and let me know how it goes! 💖 thank you so much for the support, it truly means the world to me
This is great writing, and a shared experience!
thank you for reading! i am glad you liked it:)
👏👏👏
My thing that helps me stop fixating on the things I see as flaws is just thinking ‘my face is my face, my body is my body’ - like, I’m not a Kardashian who can build another one so I just have to accept it and move on!
thank you for this tip! i feel like i need to remember this more often. glo up culture has brainwashed us into thinking that we can always be 'better', or thinner, or constantly change our appearance in order to fit the standard. but this is such a great mantra to push back against all of that!
This was so powerful! I am proud of you!!
thank you so much, and thank you for reading!! 💌
thank you for reading, and thank you so much for the support!!
i love this. you brought up every emotion i have probably ever felt about my body, but for the first time i enjoyed be aware of it instead of fleeing from it <3
I love how you touched on ed recovery, people show it as eating whatever they want but never when they are weight restored. I remember my parents told me that my dietitian said i would be so happy a year after weight restoration and it couldnt be farther than the truth. I wish you well in your recovery and if you need help i get you.
That really made me cry i’m not kidding