I’ve been thinking often about how many feminine presenting people might also experience a desire to reclaim the feminine parts of them that have traditionally been looked down on by patriarchy.. domestic skills and feminine “hobbies” for example, are so often looked down on as “real work” or requiring “real talent.” Especially as a reaction to being girlbossified - we want to be gentle and feel our feelings and knit or whatever in peace without it being invalid or not “productive” - in this way it feels like the trad wife movement is co-opting our desire to reclaim the feminine and selling it back to us - at a huge price.
I would say that this “trend” resonated with a lot of women, because, for example, in my culture, being a woman means taking care of your home and making it a safe place for the whole family. For most of women it’s a dream to have a family and a beautiful home, where she and her family can flourish. So it’s not just a trend, it’s been a way of life for many women for centuries.
it’s been that way for us for millennia because women didn’t have another choice or option before the last half a century. citing millennia of oppression feels like it’s in direct opposition with the point of this entire conversation, and saying that “most” women desire a family and to build a home is ridiculous. you have no idea what other women want and should stop projecting.
I know what women want from my culture, my circle, family values are really important here. That’s my opinion and I wouldn’t say it is ridiculous to say it. It has a place to be. Just as your opinion. There are always two sides of the coin. It’s misogynistic to say that I have no idea what women want. Because I know. Because I am a woman. I won’t stop projecting my values because I know there are a lot of women who dream about having a family and sharing my opinion might help them to feel related.
you specifically said that it is what most women want. I did not deny that some women want that, I think that it is valid in some contexts. I also think there are millennia of oppression behind us that have ingrained in us that we are supposed to want that. and there are women who fought very hard in the last half a century to ensure that we wouldn’t be forced into it anymore.
I also don’t think that women who want families are going to have a difficult time finding someone to relate to lol
Let’s agree to disagree? No one is forcing you to have a family if you don’t want to. I felt forced to be part of this individualistic society while growing in communities and longing for connections seems like something healthier for me (and backed up by science too). I love a good careerist mindset as well as a family oriented. In fact I wanna be both. It’s just so two faced to not support each other as women. Together we can make the world a little bit safer.
I’m so confused — when did I imply that I don’t long for connections or support other women? I get that you feel like you need to be defensive, but there’s no reason to attack my personal character in order to elevate your own beliefs.
again, my original comment was simply about you saying that “most” women long to be mothers, and to call out the hypocrisy of citing thousands of years of oppression as a reason for why that’s a valid mindset to have. I think it’s toxic as hell to assume that you know what other people want, and I think it’s important for women to work towards breaking the status quo, which is completely possible to do while being a mother and building a family.
are you capable of having a well-rounded discussion without attempting to invalidate me by attacking my character (through baseless assumptions since you literally know nothing at all about me)?
Man, does this RESONATE. Although I would still say I'm a fencesitter, I certainly lean more towards not wanting kids. But I'm ashamed to admit that I really considered the idea for the selfish reason that I could have this romanticized stay-at-home mom lifestyle. Thankfully I snapped out of that! Thank you for articulating this so well. 🩶
While I love the cottagecore aesthetic and working with children, I witnessed my mom be miserable and depressed after she had to be stay at home. I was too disillusioned with having kids & letting a man have that much control over me to ever consider it.
I have to hold my tongue whenever a friend falls victim to the idea of being a trad wife.
For me it was just this intense need to escape capitalism. Like, I literally remember my thought being, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to work 40+ hour weeks anymore if I dedicated myself to being a loving wife and mother." Absolutely bonkers, I know, but I feel like the American culture is so rooted in this debilitating standard of mass output, that anything to escape to a slow living lifestyle is easy to fall into.
I get it. I’ve often though “I wish I wanted children so I didn’t have to leave the house 😭” I quickly remind myself that my home would no longer be as peaceful in that scenario and I would have no escape.
I also think the proliferation of the trad-wife lifestyle places additional pressure on moms already under too much pressure. The reality is, in most families, both parents need to work, so now this "trad-wife" movement is creating guilt for moms working full-time, parenting full-time, like you should also have a chicken coup and be making sourdough from scratch, which is just the last thing moms need.
I feel like people don’t really realize what being a trad wife really means. Your husband having all that control over you, only being viewed as an object, your only purpose being having children and keeping the house clean, giving up most of your dreams to stay at home. Women before us didn’t work so hard for the rights we have today just for us to romanticize certain lifestyle. Everyone can choose the life they want to live, but this just seems excessive.
I never even really thought about how the tradwife trend is the exact opposite of the girlboss trend and that made me start thinking of how trends flow into each other. Very good piece!
Is it really capitalism you want to escape? It feels like the real issue might be urbanization—the constant hustle, crowded spaces, and reliance on large systems. Cities naturally create this fast-paced, competitive environment, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s what’s truly driving the burnout.
I recently read a book that roughly translates to Women Without Kids by Sara Martinsson (unfortunately, there’s no English translation yet). In one chapter, the author explores the concept of "mothers as consumers." It’s fascinating how the "tradwife" trend ties into this—if you dig deeper, it feels like a capitalistic marketing tactic. Being a mother has become synonymous with driving consumerism, and choosing the tradwife lifestyle, as shaped by media and influencers, doesn’t seem like an escape from capitalism; it feels more like running straight toward it. It’s like a dollhouse that comes with specific toys to complete the aesthetic.
Capitalism, at its core, isn’t inherently bad. It’s an economic system built around free markets and innovation. That’s why I feel a bit triggered by the idea of wanting to escape capitalism. When you look closer, isn’t it urbanization we’re all longing to escape? What do you think—is it really the economic system that’s the problem, or is it the way urban life amplifies everything?
PS I might be missing your point here, so feel free to correct me if I’ve misunderstood! I do find this topic genuinely fascinating.
Coming from a south asian household this aesthetic never made sense to me when I was finding out about it and that that woman who makes shit out of scratch were selling this idealized sense of what womanhood was. For the south asian girlies, we grew up watching our mothers conform to the housewife, supporting wife, mother roles, battling in laws and doing things only because they knew their man could leave her and her kids at anytime and she had to do something for the sake of her kids and we also saw them get absolutly nothing much in return other than their mother in laws making their lives harder, their husbands always siding with their mothers, they work so much and go though so much but still society perceives them as nothing compared to her husband, and what makes it all sadder is that our mothers and grandmothers have it internalized that they are in fact nothing compared to their partners! This is what i think are the long term effects of 'trad wife' culture, youll have his kids and maybe its on a farm and maybe you make bread out of scratch or whatever but the end of the story is just the abuse our mothers had gone though, the lack of finalcial indepencdece of any sort that left them to now 'have' to conform when it was no longer pretty.
Really hit the nail on the head with this one - the fantasy of escaping the hamster wheel of capitalism is SO real. I think in a way we are all desperately looking for a way out, to get back to our roots of having time and connecting with nature. That is why it this trend is so appealing to many.
I'm a tradwife you could say. And hell, it's a lot of work. Housework never ends especially with small children, I don't know how those women have so much free time in their hands
I loved this article. I think men can practice hobbies like sports or consume sports everydays on tv without being judged but women when they pursue a hobby are dismissed as unproductive or pointless. The tradwife or cottage core movement appeals to women because it brings with it hobbies or crafts that were seen as unproductive, but now they are validated by these movements.
i’ve always been hypocritical of the tradwife trend but i’ve never thought of the flip side version of it when it comes to the workaholic girl boss even though it’s essentially the same like you said-you’re just serving a boss instead. much to think about and what i want out of my own life. this was super interesting to read, thank you!!
What an amazing read and the title simply captures the message of Capitalism infiltrating our goals and dreams as women to have the ability to rest and be happy and nurturing. I think for me though as a Black African woman, as much as the hype of tradwives has waned me at times (I mean, I'm a postgraduate student and a first born daughter), I know historically Black women have never truly had the 'housewife experience' portrayed on reality shows and social media and that Black women have been the largest contributors of labour, both recognized and unrecognized. Even black women who are in larger tax brackets or have higher educational attainment show me that Black successful women cannot escape patriarchy as they are penalized for being in higher spaces and as such have to carry more shame and lower themselves to appeal to the male gaze or white gaze or both.
“You need to want it for the right reasons.” No. Let people live how they want to live, period. Not because it aligns with what you think are “the right reasons.”
Such an on-point read, thank you for this.
I’ve been thinking often about how many feminine presenting people might also experience a desire to reclaim the feminine parts of them that have traditionally been looked down on by patriarchy.. domestic skills and feminine “hobbies” for example, are so often looked down on as “real work” or requiring “real talent.” Especially as a reaction to being girlbossified - we want to be gentle and feel our feelings and knit or whatever in peace without it being invalid or not “productive” - in this way it feels like the trad wife movement is co-opting our desire to reclaim the feminine and selling it back to us - at a huge price.
so how can we balance both?
I would say that this “trend” resonated with a lot of women, because, for example, in my culture, being a woman means taking care of your home and making it a safe place for the whole family. For most of women it’s a dream to have a family and a beautiful home, where she and her family can flourish. So it’s not just a trend, it’s been a way of life for many women for centuries.
Was it really a "dream" of women in your culture, or was it just the only option?
I believe most women in Eastern Europe would love to create a family and a safe space to be!
it’s been that way for us for millennia because women didn’t have another choice or option before the last half a century. citing millennia of oppression feels like it’s in direct opposition with the point of this entire conversation, and saying that “most” women desire a family and to build a home is ridiculous. you have no idea what other women want and should stop projecting.
I know what women want from my culture, my circle, family values are really important here. That’s my opinion and I wouldn’t say it is ridiculous to say it. It has a place to be. Just as your opinion. There are always two sides of the coin. It’s misogynistic to say that I have no idea what women want. Because I know. Because I am a woman. I won’t stop projecting my values because I know there are a lot of women who dream about having a family and sharing my opinion might help them to feel related.
you specifically said that it is what most women want. I did not deny that some women want that, I think that it is valid in some contexts. I also think there are millennia of oppression behind us that have ingrained in us that we are supposed to want that. and there are women who fought very hard in the last half a century to ensure that we wouldn’t be forced into it anymore.
I also don’t think that women who want families are going to have a difficult time finding someone to relate to lol
Let’s agree to disagree? No one is forcing you to have a family if you don’t want to. I felt forced to be part of this individualistic society while growing in communities and longing for connections seems like something healthier for me (and backed up by science too). I love a good careerist mindset as well as a family oriented. In fact I wanna be both. It’s just so two faced to not support each other as women. Together we can make the world a little bit safer.
I’m so confused — when did I imply that I don’t long for connections or support other women? I get that you feel like you need to be defensive, but there’s no reason to attack my personal character in order to elevate your own beliefs.
again, my original comment was simply about you saying that “most” women long to be mothers, and to call out the hypocrisy of citing thousands of years of oppression as a reason for why that’s a valid mindset to have. I think it’s toxic as hell to assume that you know what other people want, and I think it’s important for women to work towards breaking the status quo, which is completely possible to do while being a mother and building a family.
are you capable of having a well-rounded discussion without attempting to invalidate me by attacking my character (through baseless assumptions since you literally know nothing at all about me)?
Man, does this RESONATE. Although I would still say I'm a fencesitter, I certainly lean more towards not wanting kids. But I'm ashamed to admit that I really considered the idea for the selfish reason that I could have this romanticized stay-at-home mom lifestyle. Thankfully I snapped out of that! Thank you for articulating this so well. 🩶
While I love the cottagecore aesthetic and working with children, I witnessed my mom be miserable and depressed after she had to be stay at home. I was too disillusioned with having kids & letting a man have that much control over me to ever consider it.
I have to hold my tongue whenever a friend falls victim to the idea of being a trad wife.
For me it was just this intense need to escape capitalism. Like, I literally remember my thought being, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to work 40+ hour weeks anymore if I dedicated myself to being a loving wife and mother." Absolutely bonkers, I know, but I feel like the American culture is so rooted in this debilitating standard of mass output, that anything to escape to a slow living lifestyle is easy to fall into.
I get it. I’ve often though “I wish I wanted children so I didn’t have to leave the house 😭” I quickly remind myself that my home would no longer be as peaceful in that scenario and I would have no escape.
I also think the proliferation of the trad-wife lifestyle places additional pressure on moms already under too much pressure. The reality is, in most families, both parents need to work, so now this "trad-wife" movement is creating guilt for moms working full-time, parenting full-time, like you should also have a chicken coup and be making sourdough from scratch, which is just the last thing moms need.
I feel like people don’t really realize what being a trad wife really means. Your husband having all that control over you, only being viewed as an object, your only purpose being having children and keeping the house clean, giving up most of your dreams to stay at home. Women before us didn’t work so hard for the rights we have today just for us to romanticize certain lifestyle. Everyone can choose the life they want to live, but this just seems excessive.
This was wonderful and a solid take.
I never even really thought about how the tradwife trend is the exact opposite of the girlboss trend and that made me start thinking of how trends flow into each other. Very good piece!
Is it really capitalism you want to escape? It feels like the real issue might be urbanization—the constant hustle, crowded spaces, and reliance on large systems. Cities naturally create this fast-paced, competitive environment, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s what’s truly driving the burnout.
I recently read a book that roughly translates to Women Without Kids by Sara Martinsson (unfortunately, there’s no English translation yet). In one chapter, the author explores the concept of "mothers as consumers." It’s fascinating how the "tradwife" trend ties into this—if you dig deeper, it feels like a capitalistic marketing tactic. Being a mother has become synonymous with driving consumerism, and choosing the tradwife lifestyle, as shaped by media and influencers, doesn’t seem like an escape from capitalism; it feels more like running straight toward it. It’s like a dollhouse that comes with specific toys to complete the aesthetic.
Capitalism, at its core, isn’t inherently bad. It’s an economic system built around free markets and innovation. That’s why I feel a bit triggered by the idea of wanting to escape capitalism. When you look closer, isn’t it urbanization we’re all longing to escape? What do you think—is it really the economic system that’s the problem, or is it the way urban life amplifies everything?
PS I might be missing your point here, so feel free to correct me if I’ve misunderstood! I do find this topic genuinely fascinating.
Coming from a south asian household this aesthetic never made sense to me when I was finding out about it and that that woman who makes shit out of scratch were selling this idealized sense of what womanhood was. For the south asian girlies, we grew up watching our mothers conform to the housewife, supporting wife, mother roles, battling in laws and doing things only because they knew their man could leave her and her kids at anytime and she had to do something for the sake of her kids and we also saw them get absolutly nothing much in return other than their mother in laws making their lives harder, their husbands always siding with their mothers, they work so much and go though so much but still society perceives them as nothing compared to her husband, and what makes it all sadder is that our mothers and grandmothers have it internalized that they are in fact nothing compared to their partners! This is what i think are the long term effects of 'trad wife' culture, youll have his kids and maybe its on a farm and maybe you make bread out of scratch or whatever but the end of the story is just the abuse our mothers had gone though, the lack of finalcial indepencdece of any sort that left them to now 'have' to conform when it was no longer pretty.
so confused about the inclusion of Nara tbh
Really hit the nail on the head with this one - the fantasy of escaping the hamster wheel of capitalism is SO real. I think in a way we are all desperately looking for a way out, to get back to our roots of having time and connecting with nature. That is why it this trend is so appealing to many.
I'm a tradwife you could say. And hell, it's a lot of work. Housework never ends especially with small children, I don't know how those women have so much free time in their hands
I loved this article. I think men can practice hobbies like sports or consume sports everydays on tv without being judged but women when they pursue a hobby are dismissed as unproductive or pointless. The tradwife or cottage core movement appeals to women because it brings with it hobbies or crafts that were seen as unproductive, but now they are validated by these movements.
i’ve always been hypocritical of the tradwife trend but i’ve never thought of the flip side version of it when it comes to the workaholic girl boss even though it’s essentially the same like you said-you’re just serving a boss instead. much to think about and what i want out of my own life. this was super interesting to read, thank you!!
What an amazing read and the title simply captures the message of Capitalism infiltrating our goals and dreams as women to have the ability to rest and be happy and nurturing. I think for me though as a Black African woman, as much as the hype of tradwives has waned me at times (I mean, I'm a postgraduate student and a first born daughter), I know historically Black women have never truly had the 'housewife experience' portrayed on reality shows and social media and that Black women have been the largest contributors of labour, both recognized and unrecognized. Even black women who are in larger tax brackets or have higher educational attainment show me that Black successful women cannot escape patriarchy as they are penalized for being in higher spaces and as such have to carry more shame and lower themselves to appeal to the male gaze or white gaze or both.
“You need to want it for the right reasons.” No. Let people live how they want to live, period. Not because it aligns with what you think are “the right reasons.”